What to do with 8 days in Peru?!

As you may recall from entries past, we have very few engagements which require us to be on time. Aside from picking people up at the airport and... well, picking people up from the airport about sums it up. Yet somehow, we are chronically tardy. Don't worry, it's never really our fault. Honestly. Unfortunately, picking up Katy and Chaney at the airport was no exception. As Mikey and I anxiously awaited their arrival, we were pumped, even prepared drinks to bring to the airport! The only poor planning we are guilty of is mixing the drinks about 45 minutes before the taxi was scheduled to pick us up. We may have been a bit tipsy from tasting our concoction a few too many times. That, compounded by the fact that our taxi driver was a good 30 minutes late picking us up, resulted in the 3-Liter bag of Pisco Sour (Peru's National Drink) we intended to bring to Katy and Chaney looking more like a 2-Liter bag.

While a few minutes late getting to the airport...again...we safely found our friends at the airport, all decked out in our Peru gear, pumped and ready to take on the night.

Knowing that we only had 8 days to do Peru together, we had to make the most of every moment. They arrived at around midnight on a Saturday night. What fortuitous timing. The most popular clubbing night...and nothing gets going until at least 2 am...or so we had heard. Rumors were true and we showed up, 3 liters of pisco down, elbow to elbow in a massive 2 am crowd, at one of the most happenin clubs in Lima. The "entertainment facility" a.k.a. mall, meets theater, meets bar and nightclub scene after hours is a beautiful 4-story establishment built into a cliff, overlooking the ocean. Sweet party spot. That being said, no matter how upscale and American a place appears, we were definitely still in the 3rd world. As we approached the entrance to the club, we realized the posted cover charge was the equivalent of about $35 US. Couldn't be right. Then we realized, like everything else around here, even the swanky nightclubs are meant for bargaining. Fortunately Mikey was a good bit drunk and somehow talked the guy into not only a discount on the individual tickets, but also a buy 3 get one free. Next thing she knew, Katy was getting shuffled through a different line, separate from us 3, very confused on her first night in Peru. Guess she was the one free. Shots and beers later, we were partying with the locals, dancing to everything from Madonna, to Alanis Morisette, to horrible Spanish disco music. The night ended with us all crashing around 4 or 5 am. Success!

We had 2 days left (well, really 2 days total, given the fact they got in at midnight) in Lima and made sure to pack in as much as possible. A little hungover and groggy, we all forced ourselves out of bed on Sunday morning and headed back to the mall to have brunch and admire the view a little more sober with some daylight...or so Katy and Chaney thought. In actuality, Mikey and I wanted to take them back because a few days prior we saw this sign:
For those unfamiliar with the Peru Soles to Dollar conversion, 4.50 soles is $1.50. And yes, that sign says you can have an espresso and a cigar for $1.50. Post brunch, we meandered up there and enjoyed the beginning of a very packed Katy/Chaney vacay.

After getting a good buzz going...the opposite kind from the night before...we were ready to get Katy and Chaney all their Peru gear and souvenirs and get our bargain on at the Indian markets. We kicked that market's ass. From goofy hats, don't worry, Chaney actually bought the one below:

to Peru hats, scarves, sweaters and even matching rings made out of bull horns!

We left for the next activity, prepared and warm! That evening we checked out Lima's newest attraction, the Parque de Aguas. And no, this was not a water park in the traditional sense. It was a city park comprised of 12 beautifully and impressively constructed fountains. Some were just huge, with a laser lights and coreographed music show. Others were interactive, meaning you could walk in and through them. Our favorite fountain was timed to music. If you could figure out the pattern, you could stay dry. If you couldn't figure it out, you'd get blasted in the crotch. We were lucky enough to witness the latter half and were thoroughly entertained watching for almost an hour. Finally, Mikey made us go in and take a pic. Naturally Katy and Chaney had to as well, because no one wants to be a chump.

After leaving the water park, we stopped at the grocery store, picked up a Peruvian beer sampler, and went back to the hostal for a little hostal room party, much more our scene than the previous night of clubbing. The party turned a bit roudy when Katy realized that if she put on Chaney's new hat and a beanie, she would look like his twin. She entertained herself with impressions of him for a good hour. We haven't laughed that hard since we started our journey.

The next day we ventured out on Lima's public transportation system and I was finally able to go into some of the sights I had prepared. With historical notes and all, I was fully ready to give a tour of Lima's historical city center. From churches, to President's palaces, to Cathedrals and Catacombs, we covered it all. We ended with a classic lunch of Cebiche as an appetizer and some sort of fish entree. True Peru style, for both HUGE and delicious portions, we paid less than $3 per person.

Lima done. Wake up at 3 am to catch a dreadful 6am flight to Cusco.

As luck would have it, exhausted from our 2 hours of sleep and now in some serious altitude, we arrived at our hostel with a messed up reservation and a room we couldn't check into until 1pm. It was about 7:30am at this point. Shit. Embracing the spirit of being in Cusco, the capital of the once Inca empire, we slammed a Coca tea, made an iced one in a 3-Liter bottle to go and decided to trapse around the city. Well, I'm not sure if it was a hangover, lack of sleep or the altitude, but I didn't make it very far. As soon as I found a bench, I needed to rest, even if I was in the Central Plaza...
And it wasn't just me having trouble. As soon as we stepped off the plane, Mikey started freaking out...

Hey guys! Mike here! Wuddup... So, I was a little nervous about taking off from sea level and landing at 11,500ft above sea level in the historical Inka capital of Cusco. As you may or may not know, I like air. More than most people I would assume. Because, after all, I was the only one freaking out when we landed and the cabin actually depressurized from the altitude (probably an exhaggeration, but I swear it happened). When I took my first breath, I actually did a double take, and tried to take another breath because the air was so thin and unfulfilling. Being the cool cat I pretend to be, I played it cool until we grabbed out bags and then hopped in a taxi. Then I had a legit panic attack. I was like, "Hey guys, do you feel like the air is really thin?" They were like, "No..." So I was like, "Try taking another breath, maybe you just got a good one. Don't you feel like you're suffocating?" They were like, "No..." So, the good friend that I am, I continued freaking out the whole cab ride to our hostel until I sufficiently freaked everyone else out. Maybe not because they couldn't breath, but because they thought I was dying. Sorry, Marisa. Don't worry folks back home! I'm fine. It was all in my head... probably because I didn't have enough oxygen getting to it.

On a search for cheap sunglasses and then an epic walk to find food, what felt like hours and hours, miles and miles (probably more like an hour and not even a mile...but in altitude, uphill on the first day, ouch.), we finally just settled to eat in the next place we could find. We walked into the "restaurant," or so it was advertised from the outside, and quickly realized we were in some lady's kitchen. At that point, none of us cared, and we went with it. Unfortunately, Katy being a vegetarian posed a little problem as this woman didn't seem to know what it meant to cook without beef. We ordered 3 (still not sure if there were choices or if she only sold one thing), and Chaney went with Katy to find something at the store across the street. When he returned, Katy had a dirty piece of queso fresco and we had 3 bowls of mystery meat soup. Sounds worse than it was. Soup actually tasted ok. The worst part were my fears of what kind of illness we might contract. Katy's dirty cheese was just kind of gross though. She didn't really eat. The bill came, and for all 3 of us, we paid about $1.50. Given that none of us ended up sick, worked out well!

Katy's wish also came true and she found tons of women offering photo ops with baby alpaca.

I look happy in the photo, but I was afraid of the little sucker. While I held the baby alpaca, the ladies were trying to get Katy to pay to hold the kid. Damn third world.

We had effectively wasted enough time that we were able to head back to the hostel and enjoy a long nap. Hours later, we awoke to Chaney finally bored enough, because he can't nap and a tasty snack of packaged cheese and ciabatta breads. Turned out, while we slept, day insomniac Chaney continued the epic walk around Cusco and tasted street vendors' fruit juices (shocking he didn't get sick) and bought us snacks. After having learned our lesson from the night before, we went to dinner, enjoyed the beautiful Plaza de Armas after dusk and made sure to get to bed early.
Katy and I also took advantage of some of what Cusco had to offer. While the boys did god knows what, we got hour long massages for $8, including a 25% tip. And these weren't even sketchy. These topped both our lists of some of the best, technical massages we've ever had. We met back up with the boys, only to find out that after 5 minutes of leaving us, they were offered special massages, weed, coke, amongst the things they told us...fortunately, we found them in their ponchos, sitting in their bunkbeds, having a pow wow at the hostel. We were all knocked out by 10pm, as we had another early morning to catch a train to Machu Picchu!

Bright and early, we found ourselves at the train station, tired, because sleeping in a hostel with 50 party people and sharing a room with 2 random party dudes is no easy feat. Not to mention the fact that our room was cleverly located next to the bathroom. Throughout the night, we awoke to snippets of conversations about hookups, break-ups, lifeplans and definitely some vomiting. Seriously. Recounting the night was almost as good as having been at the bar and having the memories ourselves. Some girl met some dude traveling and we got to witness how she had gotten too needy and attached and now he needed space.

We spent the next 3 hours on the train to Machu Piccu, admiring the glorious Peruvian countryside, adobe homes built in the middle of nowhere, snowcapped mountains, and Chaney and Mike dueling one another for who could take the better picture. Nothing else memorable happened on the train ride. It was long and slow. It even went backwards at one point. I didn't know trains could go the wrong way. It went the wrong way.

We arrived in Aguas Caliente, a shitty little town nestled at the base of the mountain up to Machu Picchu. Seriously, I will quote lonely planet on this one:

"Aguas Caliente...also known as Machu Picchu Pueblo, this village is nestled in the deep valley below Machu Picchu and enclosed by towering walls of stone and cloud forest. Sounds scenic? It's not: this is the ugliest, most overpriced small town in Peru, but all travelers to and from Machu Picchu have to pass through here."

And every word of that description is true. The part that is left out are the nasty little bugs that look like gnats, but bite the hell out of you and leave blood stains strewn all over your skin. Every other word out of vendors is either "happy hour" (starting at 10am) or "free pisco sour" (starting at 10am).

All that aside, we arrived, found our hostel and quickly moved on to the next activity...hiking. We took our day in Aguas Caliente to hike up a mountain called 'Putucusi,' or 'Happy Mountain' in English. It was by far one of the most unique hikes any of us have done. About 20 minutes up the mountain, we hit a ladder with about 6 steps and all thought it was the coolest thing ever. Little did we know that it was the midget ladder, and we were about to climb 5 more, the next being 300% longer. Best part was, we gained elevation very quickly. An hour and a half later, we turned a corner at the top and were all blown away by the view. The top of the mountain was an aerial view of not only Machu Picchu, but also Waynapicchu (the mountain we would climb the next day).

We descended for 45 minutes and finally hit the long ladder again. Very cool going up. Katy and I were not so stoked going down. The ladder was a good 200 feet, at points completely vertical. When we hit the middle, I realized my legs were shaking, which wasn't helping me descend any more safely. Fortunately, I wasn't alone, and looked up to see Katy shaking too. Mike and Chaney took it like champs... pretty much ran down the ladder with no respect for the laws of gravity. I guess, for dudes that cool, gravity doesn't always apply.
After the hike, we did what any seasoned traveler would do before hiking up thousands of steps at the crack of dawn at an elevation of approximately 8000 feet... we drank a lot of beer. We even had to make a second trip to the market around the corner to get more beer. Then we passed out. We managed to not have a drop of alcohol the night before we'd be taking a train ride, but for some reason, the night before an early morning and all-day hiking, beers and pizza topped our list. We woke up at 4 am to climb the nearly 2,000,000 steps from Aguas Caliente to the entrance of the ruins of Machu Picchu!

Unfortunately, when we woke up at 4am, we were a little groggy. It must have been the altitude, definitely not the beers. Thankfully we hydrated the night before...with beers. Oh yeah, and it was raining. Now, we were a little disappointed to find out that it is possible to visit Machu Picchu without walking more than 20 yards. You can fly from Lima to Cusco. Train from Cusco to Aguas Caliente. Bus from Aguas Caliente to the ruins. Snap your photos, then repeat the process in reverse. F that. We vowed to walk every inch. The Inca didn't have buses. And last time we checked, we aren't chumps. So, as we walked through Aguas Caliente at the crack of dawn to tackle the stairs up to Machu Picchu, we passed a line of about 200 people waiting for the first bus to leave at 530am. It amazes me that people are willing to wait in line for almost 2 hours to avoid walking up stairs that only take about an hour. They must be Americans...

Actually, they must not all be Americans, because we learned the night before from an Australian couple that the stairs would be fine for us BECAUSE we're American. Huh? His logic was that we always win the olympics, so all Americans must be good athletes. Fortunately in this case it was true.
You may be thinking, why didn't you just sleep in? The ruins have been there for thousands of years, they're not going anywhere... Well, only the first 400 people to get in the front gate get tickets to climb Waynapicchu, the mountain overlooking the ruins. And we didn't travel all this way to be number 401. So, we climbed 2,000,000 stairs at the crack of dawn in the rain, at altitude, and arrived to the top just before the first bus reached the top. Well, Mike and I did. We got our tickets to Waynapicchu no problem. But Katy and Chaney have longer legs, which seems like a genetic advantage when traveling on foot, yet apparently results in a slight deficit when climbing 2,000,000 stairs. Actually, thanks to all the beers the night before, I think I passed so much gas in Katy's face, she needed extra breathing time. Oops. When they arrived at the top, I snatched their tickets from them while Mike held our place in line, then went back to the front and provided the tickets as if they were mine, ensuring that Katy and Chaney also got their tickets to Waynapicchu. Some may consider this cutting in line. Others consider this a god given right for hiking up 2million stairs at the crack of dawn at altitude. Others just have no shame. Regardless, we were finally at Machu Picchu!!!
With a couple of hours to kill before hiking Waynapicchu at 10am, we wandered around the ruins for the first hour or so in the rain, shivering and cold. The early hour and weather were well worth it, because we wandered all over the place, most of the time with no other tourists in sight. When the initial rush wore off, we realized we needed coffee. So we found the snack shack near the front entrance and ordered four piping hot coffees. No luck. They said they didn't have any coffee. WTF. Who doesn't have coffee. Fortunately, tourists love red bull and everywhere we go, they are always fully stocked. With a hefty imported tax, we bought 4 highly overpriced red bulls, crushed them and found a tour guide for $6 per person.
As always, we lucked out and scored the perfect tour guide, Gloria. She had the aura of an old Incan soul, very soft spoken, calm and spiritual. Turned out she had been a guide on the Inca trail for over 10 years, so she knew quite a bit. So much, that overhearing other guides random tangents, she would pull us aside and tell us they were full of shit. Overall, the 2 hour guided tour was well worth it. Many intricacies and symbols built into the architecture and creations in Machu Picchu we never would have seen. Throughout the tour, the weather cleared and as the clouds rose, the mountains looked like they were on fire. It turned out to be the perfect day. We were able to see Machu Picchu covered in mist and clouds, as well as hot and sunny in the afternoon.
Gloria dropped us off at the base of Waynapicchu and we were forced to wait until exactly 10am, when we were allowed to start hiking. So we stalled, peed on some ruins, then hit the trail. Look closely behind Katy:
At 10 on the dot, more stairs were in our future. A lot more. And really small stairs. Turned out the Incans had very small feet. This was not a huge problem for Mike and I, but the big people had a bit more trouble. We even encountered a tunnel that I could almost walk through. Chaney had to crawl. We think he got stuck, had to rip ass to get out. Unfortunately, Katy was right behind him in the tunnel. Fire in the hole!
Waynapicchu, or young mountain, was really cool and well worth the stairs.The Incas built a trail up the side of the mountain and built temples and terraces on its top. The top was the residence for the high priest and the local virgins. Every morning before sunrise, the high priest with a small group would walk to Machu Picchu to signal the coming of the new day. We found an empty terrace and ate lunch at the top. From where we sat, we could see the whole valley and ruins. It was so steep below us, that we actually got butterflies just sitting there. After a few choice photo ops, and a coca bar that made our tongues numb, we strolled back down.


At this point, it was sunny and hot. We explored the ruins a bit more and finally found the famous Machu Picchu alpacas.
Exhausted at just the right time, as thousands of people had arrived on tour buses, we had accomplished all the ruins and mountain had to offer. We treated ourselves to the overpriced bus to drive us down the hill.

Machu Picchu check.

We showered and hopped a train back to Cusco that night. Our hostel managed to mess up our reservation yet again, but this time we were 4 tired and cranky individuals. We promptly took our stuff and checked in elsewhere. If anyone wants to go to Cusco and stay at the Loki Hostal, don't. They suck. Especially the dude that works at the front desk. He has a disability of some sort.

We found a small hotel down the street run by a family of 4. It was clean, cheap and right down the street. Little did Mike and I know that we would be there for 3 weeks. We mustered up the energy to find a restaurant, eat some soup and fade a jug of sangria. I'm pretty sure we were all in bed and asleep by 10pm.

We woke up in the morning refreshed and ready for a hearty meal. I had read about this Bagel Cafe and was determined to find it. It was everything I had hoped for and more. Fresh bagels, shmear, cucumbers and tomatoes...mmmm. We spent the rest of the day doing some grocery shopping, souvenir shopping and relaxing. Mikey even found a street named in honor of the famous Inca, Thupaq Amaru. Some of you may also recognize that name as the famous west side claiming rapper, 2pac.

The ladies split to look for shoes and we ran into the boys searching for cigars. Plopped in a cafe on a balcony overlooking the main plaza, we enjoyed yet another afternoon of coffee and cigars. Paradise.
Naturally, the next step was to start consuming alcohol. The boys were suckered into rum because it was taped to a bottle of coke. Katy and I decided to be adventurous and find out what Peruvian wine tasted like. We picked the 2 bottles with the prettiest label. Mike picked a bottle off the bottom shelf that was 2 liters of Peruvian wine and cost maybe $3. Ironically, it was the winner. More cigars, cards and many beverages later, we finally took some time to enjoy the company of our friends.

We also took the opportunity to try some of the local food. Guinea pig and alpaca meat. Both pretty nasty.
The next morning, Chaney was on a mission to rent scooters and explore. After haggling with a few dudes, they returned with a $7 per hour deal on scooters. 2 hours later we were on the road. Well...almost. Chaney test drove one scooter first. He looked like Donkey Kong on a mini scooter, but it held up just fine. Mikey, on the other hand, test drove his scooter just at the right time...when the owners walked around the corner. Because the next thing we knew, Mikey came flying down the street, slammed on the brakes, throwing the scooter into a skid. Unfortunately, he slammed the front brake, sending the scooter into the gutter and himself sprawled in the middle of the street. While funny for everyone else to watch, I was a bit nervous, as I had to hop on back. Shit.

Fortunately, Mikey worked out all the kinks before I got on and we were accident free the rest of the day. On top of that, our scooter flew up the hills because it carried a combined 270 pounds, versus Katy and Chaney's scooter, lugging a heftier load. That said, they had the advantage on the downhill.
While most tourists hike up the hill to the ruins, we sat pretty on our scooters and effortlessly explored the mountains and back country. We even took them off roading and on some very questionable "roads." At one point, we found ourselves on a road surrounded by stairs. How we got there, I will never know. We stopped at the grocery store again to stock up for the night and returned the scooters. Well, the boys tried to return the scooters (Katy and I were already cuddled in bed watching a sex and the city), but the owner needed a ride to the bus station. A half hour later, Mike and Chaney found themselves alone at the bus station, with no owner in sight. So they fought the evening traffic through the city and returned the scooters. The owner had no idea that one of the scooters had been dumped in the gutter either. He asked if the scooters were okay. They lied and rolled.
That evening, we took the boys to our previous massage place in hopes of another hour long $7 incredible massage. No such luck this time. We did get $7 massages, but it was amateur hour. They must have pulled in their JV league because a few of the massages were awful. Mike's massage bed even got picked up in the middle of the massage to be moved to a different location where there was a little more room. No one told Mike this. Next thing he knew, he was airborne. And then the massage continued as if nothing happened. Not relaxing.

Naturally, it was time to forget the massages with some alcohol and cigars. Why more cigars? Seemed like a great idea at the time. Maybe not the next morning when we put Chaney and Katy back on a plane to Lima.

Traveling with Katy and Chaney was a dream come true...but now we needed a vacation.

We spent the next week or so bummin around Cusco trying to decide what we wanted to do next. I enrolled in Spanish lessons and got my study back on.



We ended up deciding on a bad ass trek in the Andeas, but more on that later. Stay tuned...

Much love,
Mikey&Marisa

P.S. Good game. Pat pat.